"The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC." --Conan O'Brien
"In the race for president, all the attention has been focused on governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. So it's easy to forget about the Democrats' choice for VP, Senator Joe Biden. But Biden gave a speech in Columbia, Missouri, yesterday, and he asked the crowd to show some appreciation for Missouri Senator Chuck Graham. Unfortunately, he forgot that Chuck Graham is in a wheelchair [on screen: video of Biden telling Graham to 'stand up,' then having the crowd stand up for Graham]. That's where you just curl up into a ball and pretend you're invisible."
"Well, it's a very strange political campaign. I mean, out on the campaign trail, John McCain and Sarah Palin are talking about how they stood up to the Republican party. They fought the Republican establishment. And they battled Republicans. Their message: vote Republican." --Jay Leno